Random Thoughts with Megan

Sometimes I pee in the shower. Because…why not? Its not weird. Really. It’s not. Someone once told me you are supposed to pee in the shower because it keeps athlete’s foot at bay. Perhaps that is what made me start peeing in the shower. Fear of athlete’s foot. But there is something so nice about being in a hot shower and needing to pee and just doing it then and there. I suddenly want to take shower.

There was a point in my life where I believed I could have absolutely anything I wanted. I blame my parents for this. They have always encouraged me to dream big and chase after those dreams. Encouragers through and through. But that’s not really how life works out. I won’t actually get to marry a prince. I will never have wild amounts of money. Or live in a castle. I will have to work for the rest of my life. And all of those things are ok. I just wish I hadn’t had my hopes set on something else for so many years.

Someone recently commented about how I have a pretty pessimistic outlook when it comes to love. I hadn’t really thought about it in those terms. I’m not really a negative person. Pessimism sounds like such a negative word. But I suppose if I am being honest with myself then I would have to admit that the words of this person ring true.

I may or may not have eaten Chickfila twice in one day last week. Sweet baby Jesus. I love that chicken. In my mouth.

I think I may be going crazy. I don’t really know what else to say about this. Except for that it’s an actual thing. Not a joke.

I have been having the most vivid dreams lately. Dreaming about people I shouldn’t. I love sleeping. I love the feeling of laying my head down at the end of each day. Thinking about something or someone lovely. Smiling. And then closing my eyes while my thoughts swim around in my head for a while. Once all is calm I can finally let go. Of everything. And this is when the dreaming begins. When everything and nothing meet inside my head. The colors are vibrant. And I always seem slightly disappointed when I wake up. Because that dream is snatched away from me and I am brought back to reality. I wake up in my delicious bed. I stretch out and roll around. Trying to slip back into my dream. And then it is gone. I am fully awake. Facing a new day.

While I was on a walk with my Pilote in Maine this summer we starting talking about the future. I admitted that something that has been consuming me lately is the idea of buying a house. I’m not really in a place where I should buy a house right now. But I want one. I want a place that is mine. Something I can do anything and everything to. A place that I can fill with my belongings. One of the biggest reasons I want a house is because I sort of daydream about being that person who hosts things all of the time. I love have people over. For dinner. For drinks. To watch a movie. For a party. For a holiday. Or just because. I love hosting. And I love the idea of having a place that allows me to do that more often. I feel like I will be more of an adult once that happens.

I clearly need a sugardaddy. Or sugarmama.

Friday. I wake up. Naturally by 8:30am. Gross. I wake very suddenly. I roll back over immediately to try and go back to sleep. It doesn’t happen. I get up and pee. Crawl back into my bed. And try to sleep. Nothing. I stare up at my ceiling fan for several minutes. And finally decide to just get up and start my day. I shower. I consider cleaning my room and after looking around instantly change my mind. I head downstairs. Put an apron on. Turn on some music. And start washing the dishes. Have I ever admitted that I sort of love doing the dishes? It’s apparently a thing. I wash several loads. By hand. I am patiently waiting for the maintenance guy to show up. I sort of daydream about this person I have never met. I imagine he is rugged. And sexy. And that when he shows up at my door he will instantly be taken with me. Because I am lovely. And in an apron. I continue to clean my kitchen. Because it is terrible. And needs it. Once that was completed. I clean my living room. And then decide to make a pizza from scratch. The maintenance guy finally shows up to fix my washer/dryer. Let me assure you he did not look anything like what I imagined. I sort of smirk at this. And continue cooking. I realize the guy is taking too long and let my people know I am going to be running late for work. He finally finishes up. I take my apron off. Grab my bag and head out the door. All before noon. It’s amazing what all you can accomplish when you wake up before ten.

I think one day someone is going to be very lucky to have me. Because I am adorable. And sometimes sexy. Because I am honest. And loyal. Positive. Funny. Nerdy. Inquisitive. Because I laugh. A lot. Because I am just me. It doesn’t hurt that I have an amazing chest. It doesn’t hurt that I have a “great personality.” Some day someone will be lucky to have me. Even though it seems like such a foreign concept to me right now. I can’t imagine that someone will get me to settle down. But if it happens, that person will be lucky.

I was looking at a mid century modern sofa on craigslist. I do that from time to time. Even though I don’t have room for any new furniture. I still have to look because you never know what you could be missing. Anyway, I was looking at this sofa. And I remarked, “Oh, it’s so ugly sexy.” My sister had no clue what I was talking about. I scrolled through more of the pictures and felt myself falling in love alittle more. I laughed and handed my phone to her and said, “Yes, it’s ugly, but it’s ugly sexy.” She wasn’t a fan. But I think ‘ugly, sexy’ is a new thing. Sort of like ‘skinny, fat.’

I was at a dinner party this past week that was quite lovely. Great food. Great friends. You can’t ask for much more. But there was a moment in the night where several people stepped outside to smoke. And in their time away the conversation moved to Star Trek. Now, let me just say that I don’t really think there is anything wrong with Star Trek. I grew up with a dad and brother who watched it. A lot. I remember possibly even attending a convention when I was really young. I am not stranger to the Star Trek. I could possibly even have an intelligent conversation about the topic. But my friends really started geeking out. Hard. Over Star Trek. I sort of smiled and let it happen for a few minutes. The conversation got even more involved and without even thinking I yelled out something along the lines of, “I don’t know that I could be any dryer right now. Yep, this conversation is literally drying me out” all while pointing to my lady parts. Ha. My mother would be so proud. Except that is a lie. She would be mortified that I said anything like that. But I did. And it was funny. And it still makes me laugh thinking about it now. Days later.

I’m eating Shock Tarts right now. Do you remember those? They are my childhood.

Radiohead. I continue to fall even more into them. In Rainbows. I mean seriously. It is the soundtrack to my life right now. I. Cannot. Get. Enough. The Reckoner. Weird Fish. Videotape. So stinkin’ good.

I spell wierd incorrectly. Because ‘I’ before ‘E’ except after ‘C’. Get it together English language.

I want tacos. All. Of. The. Time. I had tacos four times this week. And I still want tacos. Right now.

Fuel City!

The first person to grab my boobs was Lee. Lee Havard. I was in Year 7 or 8 at the Daventry William Parker School. We were out on the green back behind the gym. Several students were roaming around. Eating their lunches. I can’t for the life of me remember who I was with. But I was standing next to a friend. And Lee walked right up to me. And put his hands on my breasts. And then immediately ran away. I was an early bloomer. Although I imagine it was a little more difficult to tell under our school uniforms. But I will never forget his gumption. Just walked right up to me and grabbed what he wanted. It sort of makes me giggle now. But at the time I can assure you I was absolutely mortified. Puberty. Is. So. Terrible.

In one of my scene shop classes a year or two later my so called “best friend” at the time stepped behind me and lifted my skirt up for the entire world to see my knickers. This person did a lot of not great things to me. Hence the quotation marks listed above.

We are apparently just taking a trip down memory lane. It makes me want some fish and chips. And just another visit back to England. It was such a lifetime ago.

I have a new show crush. Per usual. Actually I have a couple on this show. But no show crush can ever compare to my last show crush. Or can it? Imma gonna go with no. But maybe.

Someone. Take me to a baseball game. Pronto.

Last night I had a date night with my frand, Sam. She is one of my favorites. Ever. And I haven’t seen much of her since I have been back…even though we work in the same building. We watched Inside Out. Being a giant Pixar fan, it of course made my day. Then we went to a bar on lower Greenville and spent an hour or two catching up. I admitted that lately I have felt like I am going crazy. Re the aforementioned thought. I am starting to feel myself losing it. I couldn’t quite put into words what I am/have been feeling as of late. But I’m starting to think I should actually go see someone about it. I don’t feel like myself all of the time. It’s not depression. It’s not anxiety. I don’t know what it is. But it’s starting to creep into my life more and more. And I don’t like it. I don’t like not feeling in control all of the time. I think having an outlet….having someone to talk to…that doesn’t know anything about my life…or the players in it…could be such a nice thing for me. Perhaps I will treat myself!

Today seems like a great day to go for a run. And a swim. It will be the first run I have gone on since I hurt my foot in Maine. I’ve been nervous about it. It’s still tender. And I don’t want to hurt it more. Hmm. We will see what happens I guess.

I am working with a new stage manager right now. And I have to say, I love working with new people. There is something to be said about working with people over and over. You learn each other’s styles and how to read what the person you are working with wants or needs. It can be pretty fantastic. But. I am loving learning someone else’s style right now. It’s exhilarating. And refreshing. And extremely beneficial.

Yesterday, as I was ending my work day, my Leos called me. It was such a surprise. And much needed. The call didn’t last very long because of poor reception but we texted back and forth for a long time after that. I told him that he looked skinny in his pictures. He agreed he had lost weight. And cue Megan adding tons of food to his care package. I can’t have my boo shriveling up on me. Protein it is.

I miss him terribly. Not really any differently than I thought would happen. I just. I feel. I think he was such a big part of me, that now he is gone I am feeling that in my personality. Is that a thing?

I had a grilled cheese last night. I don’t eat grilled cheeses. Ever. It stems from years of cafeteria food whilst growing up I think. Tomato soup and grilled cheese day was one of my all time least favorites. But I love cheese. And I love bread. And I love bacon. Avocado. And jalapenos. So when thinking about all of these things together. It seems pretty Heavenly. So I sucked it up and I ordered this grilled cheese stuffed with deliciousness. And it was worth it. Maybe I don’t really hate grilled cheeses any more. God knows I love tomato soup now. I think having multiple tomato soup shooters at Rachel’s wedding a couple years ago really sealed that deal for me.

Speaking of Rachel. I have this fancy dinner to go to next week. It’s a tradition with this group of friends. And I am supposed to take a date. And I have no clue who to take. I mean, this is my group of non theater friends. My ‘normals’ if you will. We all work in the arts. But it’s different. And it’s hard to know who I want to introduce into that. Plus it’s semi fancy. Which means I will shave my legs, wear a dress, wear makeup, and likely trade in my glasses for my contacts. Adulting is hard, y’all.

Postsecret still makes me so very happy. I get giddy when I realize new secrets are out. It doesn’t matter that I used to share that with you. Because it started as my thing and is my thing again. Without you.

I don’t want to clean my room. Ever. So what if I still haven’t unpacked from Maine. So what if there are piles of clothes everywhere. So what if there is barely space to walk around the bed. So what. I don’t wanna. And you can’t make me.

I want to someone to find me simply irresistible. Is that too much to ask for? There are millions of people out there is this great big world. Can there not be one person? Preferably someone I also find to be irresistible. K. Thanks.

Chocolate covered strawberries. These should be in my future. Oh, and a trip to the Emporium Pies!

Enough of these thoughts. Time to lay poolside and get some color back on my skin. My freckles are trying to retreat. And it just isn’t time for that yet.

Random Thoughts with Megan

I have worn my hair straight for the past day and a half and it amazes me how many compliments I get when this happens. People ask if I cut my hair. They ask me what I have done. My answer, “I actually fixed it?” Yes I say it in the form of a question because I don’t understand why people make any sort of something out of it. Yes, most days I don’t give a crap about how I look. Yes, that means that my hair is typically in a flouncy mess (yes that mirrors my life pretty accurately). And although it is nice when someone compliments me, I always wonder if I really look that bad when I don’t try. And then I wonder why I am thinking about it because I am the one that chooses not to care enough to do anything 95% of the time. Sheesh.

I called my dad the other day as I was heading home from work. He told me he was about to call and check on me. And then I proceeded to vomit out everything that is happening in my life right now at warp speed. I doubt he was prepared for the ear-full that he received. I’m thankful that my dad is my dad. Thankful that he cares about the silly things happening in my life. Thankful that there are parts of me that are an exact replica of him. Because he is pretty great. Which means there has to be some greatness is me too.

I have a newly formed callous on my right hand middle finger. And I have no clue what it could possibly be from. Oh, perhaps pumpkin carving. That’s all I got.

I am learning how extremely important it is to surround yourself with people who can make you laugh.

Goals. I am not sure I really have them. And I am not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.

I wrote something that went out in a previous post that has really stuck with me. “In a world that is black and white, I am the grey.” I still stand behind this. I do constantly question what is good versus bad in life. And I feel as though I can see both sides of every story. I live in the middle. Perhaps people see me as weak in this way – because I don’t choose sides often. But I don’t think it’s easy living in the middle. Being closed minded would be much easier.

I walked into work one day this week and a coworker said, “You have a lot of clothes, don’t you?” I was instantly taken aback by this question. I mean I don’t really think of myself as someone who has an excessive amount of clothes. But I may just be that someone. This coworker told me that they rarely see me in the same thing twice (which is a lie…because I have my favorites). I do mix and match different outfits together. But yes, I have lots of clothes. And no, I don’t wear them all.

Today I really had ever intention of going for a nice run before I went to work. I didn’t. I know, big shocker, right? Instead I spent some extra time in bed. Enjoying myself. And I suppose I will just put off running another day.

It is strange to me that I go through phases when it comes to running. Clearly I like to run. But I just really don’t want to lately. And I have a race in a month. I need to be running. I just don’t wanna. And you can’t make me!

I don’t know what it is about this album but seriously – Sylvan Esso – it is exactly what I want to listen to. All of the time. And I love when I hear them on the radio. It isn’t often. But it makes me happy. It’s not even really about the lyrics. The actual music just speaks to my soul and makes my body want to move.

There are lots of changes happening in my life. And when that happens I feel like I sort of go through a mini identity crisis. I stop. I evaluate exactly who I am in that moment. And then I figure out how the changes will impact me and try to be a better version of me. It doesn’t always happen. But I try. And I guess that is all I can do. I just feel so…lost…sometimes. It’s like I know I should have things more figured out than I do.

I have been hanging out a little more with a friend. This friend and I have been talking mainly about their love life (or lack there of ha). But they started asking me about a certain someone that I had some sort of something for. I tried diverting but they stayed on me because they have shared so much with me. So I felt a little guilty and starting talking about this person a little bit. I haven’t really been in contact with them as much lately because it is complicated. I don’t really know where I am going with any of this. So I’ll stop myself now.

I think I may be ready to date. I don’t know exactly what I mean by this. But I feel as thought I should be dating. Not in a serious fashion. Not in a slutty fashion either. Just dating. Going on dates with several different people perhaps. I don’t know – I have never done this. How odd is that? 28 and have never really dated.

I don’t know that I am ready to date. Ha.

A friend of mine (who also has a loaded rack) had this as her status the other day, “Boobs. I hate them.” To which I replied, “What?! Blasphemy!” Here is the honest trust. Boobs – really great boobs that are large – are a pain in the ass. There are so many things that I have issues with because I have a bodacious rack. Golfing is not easily attainable for me. I was on my school’s golf team my freshman year of high school and then opted out because my boobs just got in my way. Finding a sports bra that can actually keep the girls under control is a TERRIBLE experience. Finding bras that are any color other than nude, white, and black is not a real thing. Wearing button ups is not a thing. Back pain is a thing. A giant thing. Slouching is a thing. Bad posture is a real thing. Spilling things on my boobs is a real thing. There are lots of bad things about them – BUT – they are amazing. Amazing pockets of goodness that everyone should be jealous of. Everyone should want them. And although they are a pain in the ass from time to time I would NEVER, EVER give them up. Because I love them. That is all.

“Why do you care about my snuggie and which way I wear it? DAMN!” These are words that I just uttered/yelled at a coworker. My job trumps your job.

I really enjoy Taylor Swift lately. I don’t really know what that says about me. But It’s a thing.

Confession: While I was an SM intern at the Olney Theater Center, we worked on a pretty special show. This Peter Pan was unlike any other Peter Pan I had seen. All of the interns (and I think there were 10 of us at that point) worked on that show because it was our holiday show. And while we were prepping the show each day, my friend Dawn and I, started talking about a show we wanted to write called Dallas the Musical. Now this musical wasn’t based on the TV show Dallas, it was merely a musical about our thoughts on Dallas at the time. I can’t really remember much of the music now. But It makes me smile that I live in Dallas and had started work on a musical about this city before I moved here.

Some days I deal with so many stupid things in a row that I just want to throat punch someone. Yesterday seemed like that kind of day for me. Good thing I can laugh about everything.

When I was a teenager in England, I was addicted to liquid eyeliner.

I used to really love buying new singles on cassette tape. Wow, that makes me sound old. My Orange Crush, may she rest in peace, had a tape deck in it. So I could still jam out to some of my singles from the 90s on cassette. One of my favorites was Angel by Sarah McLachlan. It had a live version of Ice Cream which I was addicted to! Oh, the good ol’ days.

I may be hosting Thanksgiving Dinner for my family this year. This could be exciting. But my kitchen is tiny. And I mean, TINY! Also, I don’t really have sturdy chairs around my dining table. I do have this really awesome enamel top table from the 40s or 50s that I love. And I have some great mid century chairs to go with it but they have been on my “to do” list for over 5 years now. Perhaps I can refinish them and make them sturdy in the next two weeks….

I often find that I overextend myself too much. There are just so many things that I want to be apart of. So many moments I don’t want to miss out on. And so many people I want to spend time with. I suppose in the end I would rather have thing and people to fill my time than to sit alone by myself watching the time tick by.

I have been dreaming about this amazing Chicken and Waffles that I had with Cailin in Boulder last year. It had bourbon soaked cherries on it I think. I can’t really remember everything about it…except that it was perfect and now my mouth is watering.

To host a holiday party, or not to host a holiday party? That is the question. I am just not too sure if I can top my Mad Men Holiday Party from last year.

Everyone wants to feel special to someone else.

I think I may temporarily fall in love with everyone in my life. I could aslo describe this as a “new friend crush” because I get those a lot. Does everyone experience this? No? Just me? Typical.

Do you ever notice that some couples sort of look like they go together? I swear this is something I notice the older I get. My brother and his wife just look like they go together. They don’t really look alike (because that would be weird) but they just look like they fit. I don’t know. It makes me wonder if the person that is “meant” for us – and I use that extremely loosely because I don’t really believe that there is only one person – should look like they go with you.

Or is that people start to look more like each other the more time they spend together? I feel like some couples who are older may look more like they go together the longer they have been together compared to when they first started out. I don’t know. Just some thoughts. Random thoughts. With Megan.

Random Thoughts with Megan

I have had a serious case of INSOMNIA lately. I have been working constantly so I am getting tired at a reasonable hour. But I go to bed and my mind races. I can’t seem to slow it down and therefore I can’t stay calm enough to fall asleep. It’s a giant pain! I slept for less than 6 hours multiple times this week. And I am one of those people who need 8-10. No joke.

Hangovers are a real thing. I haven’t really believed in their existence until today. Today it was real. Today it was rough. Thankful that I had a short rehearsal day…even if it was followed by meetings and lots of paper work. But when Steve Walters wants to have a drink, I can’t not give in. And one leads to another. And then shots make an appearance. Ugh. Upon realizing that I was not in such a great state this morning, my director politely reminded me that I am no longer twenty. Ha.

Tomorrow I start technical rehearsals for Driving Miss Daisy at the DTC. This process has varied drastically from what I thought it was going to be. We had two of the three cast members drop out only a couple weeks before rehearsals started. We have had very short rehearsal days. I’ve been juggling day to day business as the Interim Production Stage Manager on top of the show. I have managed to see several plays in the past few weeks because I have had my nights free. I feel like I am rambling. I just wanted to say I am not sure what I was expecting but this little show has been quite lovely. I’m looking forward to adding all the technical elements over the next few days and making it “a real live boy.”

Age has been a big thing on my mind lately. I rarely feel as if I am 28. To be honest, I, most of the time, feel like I am 23. It’s as if I haven’t aged at all since I moved to Dallas. Seems odd to feel that way when so many things have transpired over the last five years.

“And I’m still hurting”

Anybody? Come on. That was clever. No theatre nerds out there? Ok. Moving on.

My five year anniversary of being in love with Dallas is vastly approaching. I am having a difficult time nailing down the best way to celebrate. Perhaps I will take myself for a drink at Reunion Tower. That could be quite lovely.

My boobs have been extremely firm lately. Almost uncomfortably so. Don’t worry kids, there is no baby brewing all up inside me unless it was of immaculate conception. They are just so firm.

An uncle of mine passed away recently. Death is something that is so out of my realm of understanding. In my line of work, it is often impossible to be able to take off work for an event such as a funeral. And because of this I feel like I miss out. Not only do I actually miss the funeral and being able to be there with and for my family. But I miss out on the grieving process. It is so distant because I am so far removed from it. This will be the third time death has happened that I haven’t been able to deal with in the past two years.

A friend of mine, and mentor, is living one of his dreams right now. I am so proud of him for getting to where he is. Also, jealous. But more proud than jealous. It’s a healthy jealous.

Dr. Pepper is my idea of Heaven.

So, I have this pretty decent tool set. And I have, in the past, had to use them. This past week I decided to hang has this vintage globe lamp set that was my grandmother’s in my living room and had to use these tools. When I pulled them out to get my drill locked and loaded I literally had this moment where I completely forgot how to do anything with my drill. It was pathetic. I also don’t believe in instructions. I just like to do things and then redo them if I end up doing them wrong. This used to irritate my ex to no end. Anyway, I finally figured it out. I hung my lamps and a couple of coat hooks and felt very accomplished. I had texted my dad at one point while I was trying to figure things out and by the time he got back to me I had hung the lamp but I still had to facetime him to prove it. Ha.

I need a haircut.

Sometimes, when my mind won’t stop racing, I wonder if the feeling I am feeling resembles what it would be like on speed.

I need to make sure I can get to the Texas State Fair before it closes! I would really only be going for the food. And the ferris wheel. But mainly the food.

And now this is where I would talk about how I need to start running because I like to eat but I don’t like what it does to my body if I am not running.

Alright. It’s time. Time to try and sleep. Or lay in bed playing on my phone because I can’t sleep. Yep that one is more likely.

Random Thoughts with Megan

It has been a crazy week.

Today I started the first day of school for Driving Miss Daisy at the Dallas Theater Center. It is good to back in a room with one of my favorite people in the world. I suppose it’s only been a year but it feels like such a long time ago.

My sister lives with me now! She has been here for two weeks and something I thought would be a big change in my life has felt so natural. It is so nice to have her here. I am looking forward to this year.

“Just slip me on, I’ll be your blanket, wherever, whatever, I’ll be your coat” is one of my favorite lyrics. I watched Rent this evening. It is a movie that immediately reminds me of my ex and I am still in the process of reclaiming so many things that I had distanced myself from because of whatever connection I had with that particular item and that person. It’s hard. For different reasons. But it makes me sad in a way I that I wasn’t expecting. So many great things have happened to me in the past year. I have really settled into exactly who I am supposed to be. But in doing that very thing I left behind some parts of me that I wasn’t willing or ready to leave behind. I’m trying to figure out how to maybe merge the old and the new. Why am I still going on about this? I guess I am just wanting to say that I miss that certain someone. Not sure what it means exactly. Not sure I’m really willing to investigate it any further. But I miss my friend. Moving on.

Also, while we are talking about that specific lyric – there is a really spectacular mash up of Call Me Maybe and I’ll Cover You. Youtube it. It is really something special. It really hits home for me. I have watched/listened to it countless times and I just now realized that one of the most amazing guys I know was the musical director on the song! Shout out to the amazing Kurt Crowley! I need more of you in my life!!

Opening night of Rocky Horror was this past Friday and I sort of went all out. The director, the fabulous Joel Ferrell, challenged the staff to come dressed up. And people did not disappoint. I felt so extremely sexy. My hair is still purple. But I learned a very valuable lesson – my feet are never going into 6+” heels again!

My mom was in town this past weekend. She and one of her sisters brought up the last of my sister’s belongings. I had a pretty busy weekend so I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her this trip. Anyway, while I was at opening Friday night, my mom and aunt rearranged my living/dining room area. I was a little skeptical about it. They had asked if they could move things around and I agreed but only with the stipulation that if I hated it they had to move it back. I haven’t moved anything back yet. As much as I don’t want to admit it, they did a pretty good job. And I can’t even tell you how excited I was that they deep cleaned my house including my kitchen. It felt good to purge some things and make a drastic change to the place I have been in for the past two years. It feels different and the same all at the same time.

I’ve been binge watching the 5th season of Parenthood on Netflix over the past week. It is one of my favorite shows that I just got introduced to this year. If you haven’t seen it you should fix that. It’s really just a pretty honest depiction of life. And it’s pretty great.

I know I haven’t posted about the time I spent in Colorado this past month yet but I was sort of thinking about it recently. I didn’t really realize it at the time necessarily but I was getting over something while I was there. And I am so thankful that I was in such a beautiful place during that. I was really happy to be surrounded by nature. And honestly happy to spend some quality time with my rents. We are all getting older. And it was nice (for the most part ha) to just be an only child for those few days. We have sort have had some ups and downs over the past few years and it was nice just being with them.

There is this person I know that is about to get married. And I am mostly happy for that person. But there are brief moments where I feel like I am missing out some sort of relationship with that person because they are about to get married. Ah well.

A couple of times I have been chatting with people that I work with and I will make a comment about wanting a someone and they stop me and say they thought I had a someone. Where are people getting this? It is baffling to me. I am as single as a person can get. Not only am I single there aren’t really any possibilities out there. And I am not saying that there aren’t people around me that could be datable material. I am saying that even though I have been single for over a year now (strange to say out loud) that I still don’t know that I am actually ready for anything like that. I want to want it. And sometimes I do. But it also makes me anxious actually thinking about it. So I try not to and just go about my business. I’m actually pretty good on my own. I do what I want when I want and I don’t have to worry about how someone else feels about that. And that is extremely freeing.

I love the way my deodorant smells. Seriously. It’s good stuff.

Last night I was trying to clean up and spruce up my little outdoor patio. My sister spends more time out there than I ever have so I want to make sure it’s nice. She had told me that she’d seen a roach out there. So I got the bug spray out, made sure it was all clear and started spraying the perimeter and then I basically came face to face with a cockroach. And I literally ran inside screaming like a little school girl. I’m sure it was entertaining for my sister for a couple of minutes. Then I made her kill it. And that was even more entertaining. You have a pretty great sister when they can’t stand bugs either and deal with it anyway.

Last weekend I was at lunch with my mom, sister, brother and his wife at Twisted Root. It was my first time there and I have to say it was pretty good. I wouldn’t say that it’s better than my Easy Sliders or Maple and Motor but it was pretty good. My brother went up to get us a couple of shakes at the end of the meal. The credit card machines were down so they paid with cash. And then probably 20 minutes went by without us seeing these shakes. At some point I say, “there is hardly anyone in here, no food is being made, I bet you they forgot about the shakes.” And sure enough that is exactly what happened. My mom went to check on the order and they admitted they had forgot all about it. So we wait a little longer. Again, I say, “what is taking so long? we are practically the only people in here.” We decide to all get up and head towards the counter in hopes that they are actually making our shakes. Thankfully they were putting the finishing touches on the Toasted Marshmallow shake. I’m sure we were all grumpier by that time but we were happy to get our shakes. And they gave us a gift card for the inconvenience. Which I kept even though my brother paid for the shakes. Ha.

There has been a death in my family this week. And it’s heartbreaking. I won’t get to go to the service and be with the family which isn’t really a surprise. But this is the second death in the family in the past 18 months I think and I feel like it is harder for me to wrap my head around because I don’t get to go to the funerals and have a last goodbye. It’s harder for me to accept that it’s reality because of that.

I am beyond ready to get my Sweet Caroline back. Not only is it a real bummer to have your vehicle vandalized and not know how or who but the rental I am in just isn’t hacking it. It’s a nice car. But I want my Mini Cooper back!

I need to start thinking about what marathon I want to run so that I can plan out my training schedule. I think I can get my brother and possibly even my dad on board to run a half with me. That could be a little weird because I don’t really run with people. But one of my original thoughts for the list was to run a race with each of my family members. I thought that would interesting and keep me motivated. We will see how it really plays out but I am looking forward to picking another race based on somewhere I want to go.

One of my friends from college, also known as the girl of the same name, got engaged recently. It seems exciting but it just isn’t in my vocabulary. Is something wrong with me?

Sleep. It is time for sleep.

Random Thoughts with Megan

I started a big kid job on Monday. Big kid job.  Ahhh. It’s going to be ok. It seems a little strange right now but I’m sure after a few days it’ll feel as if I was supposed to have a big kid job for my entire life. Or atleast much sooner than 28.

I had to borrow a tent to go camping. When I returned it to one of my favorite people I went to high school with we talked a little about upcoming events in our lives. Several times over the last few years I have made comments about how she is a “real grownup.” She is married. Has two beautifully charming kids. Owns a house. She was telling me that after her youngest is in school she is considering going back to school which would allow her to work again after that. She then told me that she thinks its funny when I call her a “real grownup” because she can’t imagine having to go to work every day. Not being able to stay in bed just because you want to. It’s so interesting to see the difference in perspectives from person to person.

I slept in a tent. Outside. And I set that tent up. Mostly by myself. Pictures coming soon as proof.

Saturday I left the 806 and came back to Dallas. I decided to drive a different way so that I could go see a windmill farm. I was on a small road that didn’t have a shoulder so pulling off to take a few pictures wasn’t the easiest thing. I pulled off to snap a few pictures and then got back on the road. I decided to pull down a dirt road to try and get closer. Of course, I hadn’t really thought about how it had rained all day and night. I instantly regretted pulling down the dirt road but it took me a second to stop driving forward. Then I proceeded to spend the next ten minutes trying to reverse. Dear God, it was pretty terrible. I would make a little leeway and then get stuck again. I would drive forward a little and then reverse as hard as I could. I did this countless times, huffing along the way. I feared having to get out and try and push my car because of the mud…and the fact that I was wearing new shoes. A truck approached me and a man got out. He walked up to the car and asked if I needed help. I said, “Remember that time I wanted to take a few photos of the windmills so I turned down a dirty road to get a closer look and then got stuck?!” and then we both laughed. I asked how much further I had till I made it onto the road. He said I wasn’t far but that I clearly wasn’t picking up any traction. I nodded. He talked me through driving forward and reversing and told me to stop rotating the wheel. And told me that anytime I reversed I needed to gun it as hard as I could. He watched me for five minutes move front and back. He then told me to stop and grabbed a piece of wood to try and put under my tire. This helped slightly. After a few more attempts I finally made it back to the road. I thanked him for stopping. He said he didn’t really do much. I thanked him again and told him I would probably have been stuck for another hour or so doing it by myself. He got in his car and we both turned down the same road. I didn’t make it very far before I stopped to get out and take a couple of pictures. He turned his car around and headed back my way. I got back in my car and told him I was simply taking a few pictures but that I was fine. He told me that I had to be careful taking pictures of the windmills because of the people who run the plant. I then realized he most likely worked for them. I apologized and went on my way.

I owe my Sweet Caroline a bath. She is so terribly muddy. Sometimes I forget she isn’t a jeep or something I can take off roading.

The Grand Canyon is spectacular to see. I will be going back. And spending more time there. I will be hiking to the bottom and camping. Right before I walked out to see it for the first time, I uttered these words, “I have a feeling I am about to be completely underwhelmed by this view.” My friend laughed at me and assured me that would not be the case. I walked up to the rim and was in awe. Literal awe. Over the world. Over something so beautiful and so large. I had already been marveling over the uniqueness of the terrain on my drive to the Grand Canyon. The world is so beautiful. So absolutely beautiful.

I’ve said it before – and I’ll say it again – S’mores are like Heaven!

I have discovered that I can, in fact, roast the perfect marshmallow. My parents can attest to this gift. We enjoyed our share of perfect marshmallows over my time in Colorado.

I used to watch the Real World. Alot. And then I got addicted to the Road Rules. And then all of the challenges. Why am I admitting this? I have no clue.

One of the days I was in Colorado my parents and I drove up to Lake City – which is an absolutely charming town. And beautiful. We stopped for lunch at a place where they make everything made to order to so it takes a little longer than usual. The food was delicious and worth the wait. There was a a group of three men who sat next to us. I assumed it was a father and two of his sons. They were riding on motorcycles and stopped for lunch as well. As we were leaving my dad went in for a refill and my mom and I started walking to the car. I jumped up on a log and was playing on my phone. There was a second log so I stepped across to split them. I was still playing on my phone. I slipped just barely and one of the logs fell over. I managed to land on my feet but the log hurt my foot as it fell. My dad headed out to us and was laughing. He said the group of men had said, “She nearly busted her ass” and were whooping and hollering. This didn’t help my ego. But I imagine I did look ridiculous.

Why are people so hateful? Really I will never understand people who choose to be swallowed up by such darkness in their lives. It is so much more time consuming to hate people. I try really hard not to hate people. They are merely mortal after all and everyone makes mistakes. But I don’t want those people I dislike to have that kind of monopoly on me. My times is not theirs.

My Sweet Caroline is going in for an inspection tomorrow morning. It would seem that someone hit my car and then ran away. I’m a little devastated but hopefully they can get her fixed up quickly and my Sweet Caroline and I can get back to living our lives together so beautifully.

I’m watching Wall-E right now. I remember watching this movie when it first came out with a group of people I was working with at the Seaside Rep. One of the guys wouldn’t stop going on about how beautiful it was and this and that. I remember disliking it at first. I can’t really tell you why. I just didn’t see what the hype was all about. But it is beautiful and the music is pretty fantastic. Why did I hate on this movie so much?!

My sister lives in Dallas! All the Winters kids are in the metroplex! Dallas just isn’t ready for the good times it’s about to be shown!!

Tonight my sister and I ran to Target to pick up something she needed and an hour later I left with some super cute swimsuit pieces from clearance! I got an AMAZING flamingo swimsuit top!! AMAZING. For $8! And I finally bought myself a highwaisted bikini bottom. And a couple of bikini tops! Gasp. I will have to do a little work to make them actually fit me correctly but it is going to be fan-freaking-tastic!

I was talking to a coworker this week…I had previously told this person that they couldn’t hire anyone in their department who wouldn’t be interested in dating me…and I reminded them of this and they said they thought I had a boy. Strange. I laughed and said,”I don’t have a boy. I don’t have an anybody.” They said they weren’t sure why they thought I had a boy but that they did. Wishful thinking. Ha.

I need a pedicure. And a massage.

Time for sleep. This working regular hours is killing me. And by that I mean I don’t know how people do this. It is so different working a 9-5 or 10-6. I’m tired by the end of the day and just want to do nothing but veg out. I have so much more energy when I can sleep in late, go to work, and then stay up late. It’s all so strange.

Also, dear God I need to start running again! My body is starting to return to it’s old ways. And that just isn’t conducive to my new bikini wearing ways!